The One-Night Stand Principle

Been a while since I wrote here because I was traveling all over the country researching this topic. Before I jump into the heart of the question, I should deem it necessary to announce that this question was posed by Aparna, who blogs at WTML. Congrats to Aparna for her mind-boggling question. MirrorCracked Labs is indebted to you for providing us with something to do during these lean times.

Question: What’s with men and wanting one-night stands? Men never seem to be interested in commitments and all they need is sex. Why can’t men ‘love’…??

Image Courtesy: Cartoonstock.com

Being a man, I find this research topic slightly offensive, but when I signed up for MirrorCracked Labs, I took an oath of impartiality and unprejudiced analysis, so I shall go ahead.

My dear, it’s all got to do with genetics. Every individual is born with 22 pairs of chromosomes and one pair of sex chromosomes. Women have XX, while men can only boast of an insipid XY – the root cause for insecurities. The lack of the ‘Y’ in women accords them the luxury of having more than one ex-es and not question the how’s and the ‘why’s, if you know what I mean.

Men, on the other hand, constantly question the existence of every single ex- in their lives, pondering how it’s possible that women don’t like them anymore. Men are inherently narcissistic, and it takes very little to instigate them into launching into a long speech extolling their virtues.

Women should know that men always want to prove a point and be accepted in the community of women, and preferably as ‘The Man,’ and more often than not, they go to great lengths of chivalry to achieve this. I’ve known men who’ve actually taken their expensive coats off and thrown it across the puddle for a woman to cross, and never regretting the loss. Men can be quite the gentlemen. If they want to.

Sooner or later, women being to show their true colors and begin to get possessive and obsessed with their men. They hate it when their man looks at some other woman, talks to another woman, even refers to other women in a casual conversation. They would like nothing more than to lock their men up in the closet/attic, and not let anyone in. Such things actually happened. That was when men decided to fight back.

Men decided to be a more lax in their relationships and give the impression of being least interested in a long term commitment, and much rather prefer the one-night stand. It’s a smoke-screen that is meant to disarm the women. It’s a ruse that is meant to retaliate against the women and their selfish injustices meted out to women.

This fact has been confirmed by at least four hundred men and seven thousand women, all of whom pledge that this fact is true. Some women actually apologized, and said, “I’m sorry for all those times I acted like a bitch. I just wanted to show you how much I love you.”

I forgave her soon enough, and she showed me just how much she loved me. But that’s not the point. The point is that men tend to prefer one-night stands to long term relationships mainly because it pisses women off to no extent to think that they were just ‘played.’  And let’s be honest for a minute – loads of women prefer one-night stands too. Don’t deny it. Men know it better than women do, for obvious reasons.

No matter what, always remember that men are the blueprints and women are the masterpieces. Irrespective of whether a ‘why’ is involved in the relationship, there’s always an ‘ex,’ if you know what I mean.

Now you know. Of course there are exceptions, which can be ignored. Exceptions have no life.

Filed under: one-night stands , commitments, committments, life, love, love making, mc labs, mcl, men and sex, men and women, mirror cracked labs, mirrorcracked, mirrorcracked labs, nikhil kumar, one-night stands, relationships, sex, sexy men, sexy women, women and sex

Genesis 30:1 – The Calls Of Nature!

ark this day folks. The Labs finally gets under way, after inevitable delays and too many beers. We strive towards being better, we constantly wage a battle of wits against ourselves and against others, trying to prove a point, and more often than not, we succeed in making complete fools of ourselves. But, that’s life.  We have to live by those unwritten rules.

We know that someone up there, (probably God, probably Kurt Cobain) is watching over us and guiding us in our misery. We feel the need to talk to someone, to unburden ourselves, to ask a simple question and get a simple answer in return – we feel the need to know the truth and smile at the bitterness of it’s taste. We need to be told what’s right.

(I want the truth! You can’t handle the truth!)

That’s where we come in – the scientists at the MirrorCracked Labs have taken an oath to dedicate their lives to your service. Whatever your question is, whatever you think you can’t handle by yourself, just ask us. We will make sure that your questions are answered. We assure 100% satisfaction.

Skeptical, are you? I’m sure. Here’s a brief look at our first research, a small task that we undertook to make sure that everyone knows the truth.

Question: Why is there always a long line outside the women’s loo and not the men’s loo? What is it that women do inside that takes them so long to come out?

o man has ever answered this question satisfactorily. Never in the long history of toilets has this mystery been answered. And now, after a wait that saw many a good man roll over and die, the question has been successfully researched and answered!

It’s all a matter of mathematics, my friends. Or, to be more specific, it’s a matter of numbers. There’s a general misconception that there are more men in this world than women and that the sex ratio stands somewhere at 70:30, in favor of men. Heh, think again. We are way off the mark. Look around you – unless you’re in a men-only bar, you will observe more women around you. It’s a fact. Be it in buses, bars, restaurants, on the roads, in a stadium, at a rock concert, or wherever, there are always more women around us than men.

The sex ratio around the world stands at 20:70:10, in favor of women. The extra 10 percent of the population stands ‘undecided,’ and we can ignore them safely.

In the words of Nirmala (name changed on request), “I usually take around 15 to 20 minutes in the toilet, minimum! I have to finish my business, re-do my make-up, brush my hair, re-touch my perfumes, brush my hair again and finally, make sure that every little part of my body and clothing looks perfect before I exit. I’m sure every other woman does this.”

According to Bhavana (name changed on request), “You pervert!” and she went on to slap me. But that’s not the point.

The point is that woman have a lot of issues with their make-up and dressing. I mean, let’s face it – a shirt and a pair of pants is no match for a single-strap, knee-cut, body-curve dress with an option of a spaghetti or a mouche, whatever that means! Jesus H Christ!

So, to wrap it up, in the words of Shouvik, a staunch follower advocate of men and manhood (Um, that didn’t sound so right), “We unzip, we go and we zip up. It’s that simple. It’s never simple when it comes to women, my friend.”

There you have it. Now you know!

PS: Exceptions always exist. It’s advisable to ignore the exceptions. Exceptions have no life.

Filed under: genesis , faith, funny, genesis of mc labs, god, humor, kurt cobain, mc labs, men and women toilet habits, mirrorcracked labs, sarcasm, toilet humor, women and men, women in the loo